Iron Quill - Preliminary Round: I Don't Like Mondays.....

[Absolution Black]

Thanks guys, just got back from my hols and read the latest comments...will take them on board for the next submissions, for which i do hope i have the time!

I see voting has started, and most likely finished so i missed that? I have read all the stories and will get around to writing my thoughts if i can....

Ah, scrap that ..just seen i can vote!

[SteamHammer]

Yours was a good story so it's a bit disappointing to see it with no votes in the poll.

[Absolution Black]

lol, its peoples preferences i suppose..there are, in my opinion, better stories there so its no big deal...

After all, its the taking part that counts...

;)

[Wyandottemike]

Absolution, I enjoyed the story. I have no issues with the setting or content. Although I'm new to Malifaux my impression is that it encompasses multiple genres. That's the beauty of it, you can go from western to Victorian settings seamlessly.

I think overall you've written up a decent story. If you're interested in my criticism (for what it's worth) I only have the following to offer: I think you spend a little too much time describing his hangover. It felt a little repetitive after the first few times. Some of the thoughts the character has are pretty evident and maybe don't need to be stated. I also thought the character went from not "knowing" what was going on to suddenly making a leap in logic when he's sneaking down the hallway. To me it didn't seem obvious at all what was going on but your character was able to decide exactly what was happening after listening to just a few exchanges of words between two people. Lastly I was a little confused by who the character in black is at the end. Is he meant to be one of the games masters? This might be obvious to some but since I'm still new to the game I couldn't tell. Maybe giving the character a name would help? Knoeffler seems to know him so having him say the character's name wouldn't seem odd.

This are minor quibbles so I don't want you to think I'm being too harsh. Overall I enjoyed it and felt it could have been longer and would have kept my interest. Good writing, hope to see more!

[Absolution Black]

Thanks Wyandottemike, and welcome to Malifaux..

Since you have taken the time to comment i will answer your questions as best as possible!

Yeah, looking back i definitely laboured the hangover too much though it was an attempt to add a little humour into the story. Unfortunately you are coming into reading a story of mine which has an established character as the main (established as in my creations). The Whole storylines can be found in the link in my sig...there is a lot, over 40000 words at least!

I think a lot of my 'logic' problems come from the fact i was trying to keep under a 3000 word limit, and those who know me will know my stories take on a life of their own and ramble on lol.....so trying to condense it all into this restriction was hard for me....I could have drawn this investigation out for at least another 10000 words!

And the man in Black will be familiar to people who have read my fiction, but unfortunately not to those who havent....I guess i was being both cruel and kind...cruel that in order to truly understand the relationships between Knoffler and the man in Black you would have to read the entire stuff i've written already! And kind in that regular readers will still get their 'black' fix lol...

But thanks for the comments, please read the rest of my stuff if you want to and have the time, i'd like your thoughts on that too.. otherwise hopefully you'll keep reading the competition entries i will keep putting up on here!

And no votes..pah! It is better to be under the radar, than out in the snipers gunsights!

[Wyandottemike]

That makes perfect sense then. I will go back and start at the beginning. Thanks man!