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Late in the game, but I have to formally pass this round. I moved this month and getting my house in order has taken its toll as has rearranging my local social scene. I'll be back in the game next...

I'm in for the next round.

Heads up, in the writing forum there a dream based writing contest with some great stories and voting. they're great reads. I wrote Shiver, a story about chompy and dreamer and a victim.

if you...

So its about evenly split with people that liked or didn't like the layout of the story. Which Is fine, at least its getting attention.

For me, this IS what a dream/nightmare is. Any linear...

thanks for the feedback el indido. gives me good stuff to consider.

I'll take another look at the piece hopefully soon. Question Panda, did you find it difficult because of the way it was written, which is an intentional disjointed nightmare. Nothing is linear in a...

I think there's two approaches to doing established characters. One is to grab up all the source material and try and match that flow because it jars other people when things don't follow with the...

Thanks for the read.

http://www.wyrd-games.net/showthread.php?33288-Iron-Quill-submission-Shiver

Think you missed mine chocobo

There's nothing wrong with embracing tropes, its just all how you present it. I would have done something like this, just off the top of my head:

"But who are you?"

"Names names names... so...

In concept I do really like it. Edonil hit the grammar issues I had.

I know its not done so something I'd suggest looking into is the dialog. Its just a bit stiff. The "I have many names" trope...

So let me start with the points that I felt didn't fit right

1) Just a preference but I like numbers written out and instead. so nine instead of 9.

2) Caleb's family served the duke's family....

thanks Hardlec. Glad you enjoyed.

Thanks for the story.

There's a lot of nice imagery there to enjoy but I'd really be SO much happier if you could reformat this. Right now it appears as a huge block of text and its so difficulty...

the beauty of team writing is fresh eyes on the material. I didn't catch that. Fixed.

Got some days off coming up so if anyone else has some suggestions for edits, feedback or anything let me know. Its rare to have a lump of free time.

Nice addition to the story Edonil. As always there are clean neat descriptions and solid grammar.

Two sticking points to me.

One, i just don't like the use of onomatopoeia so that FWOOSH just...

Made some litle edits from my phone. Glad the line, kinda worked ish, and that overall you enjoyed the piece. Excited to hear from the rest of you.

Also, in advance and as promised, jordan was...

Thanks for the quick reply and I'll take a look at all of that closer after work. As far as the line though, I tried something different. Its used without being said. When the man in the dream...

(Well here's the round's piece. Please, have at it. Enjoy it. Comment and critique it up. Thanks for reading ladies and gentlemen)

“I know this place.” He remembers the manor is dark and sleeping...

As much as I don't want, now we're just going to have to troll every thread you're part of Edonil. Gatsby is a great book. I suggest reading it by choice in your adult years now. I know when I had to...

@Panda, Copy plus paste is tough stuff! No seriously its new work. I'm totally not one to peck at a story. If i get it in my head i'm not touching the story till i can get it out in one sitting. The...

I even hint AND nudged. Edonil is a tough man to crack.

So mine's done. Wrote it in two hours and took another forty minutes to do some quick edits. Wish I could put it up now. Hint nudge.

I'm in, of course,